Verschenen in de Volkskrant augustus 2016
Vorige week schreef ik over een bejaarde vriendin die ik Vera noemde, in een appartement aan de Italiaanse Rivièra situeerde en een eclatant uiterlijk meegaf. Zo was het, dacht ik, plausibel dat ze, haar hoge leeftijd ten spijt, sjans had van een 60- jarige tippelant. Zo’n wittebroekenman op te korte benen. Met een: ‘Meid, je lacht je rot, paardenstaart! Hij is tegelzetter, maar rijdt in een sportauto!’
Verder zadelde ik de exsexbom op met twee verbitterde, onattente dochters. Terwijl deze Vera ‘eigenlijk’ één zoon heeft die haar juist op handen draagt. Ook is ze geen hooggeblondeerde ZsaZsa Gabor, (golddigger uit de jaren vijftig), maar een mollige sproetenkoningin met een gouden hart. Als columnist zet je je personages naar je hand.
Maar dat is me niet in dank afgenomen. Sinds vorige week heb ik onmin met maar liefst drie in het buitenland woonachtige vriendinnen.
Zij voelen zich aangesproken want menen zich in Vera te hebben herkend. Ook zij zijn gefortuneerd, weduwe en/of gescheiden, met dochters en wonen aan de Middellandse zee.
Hoe moet dat nu met mijn verhaal? Doen alsof ik het heb verzonnen? Nee, wie de schoen past, trekke hem aan.
Vera ontmoette haar nieuwe vriend op een terras. Alras ontspon zich een geanimeerd gesprek. De volgende dag zat hij er weer. Zij ook.
‘Je lacht je rot! Hij heeft zoveel humor. En ogen als koplampen. We hebben het oergezellig samen. Laatst hebben we een tochtje gemaakt. Wel laag hoor, zo’n sportkar, maar bij het uitstappen zwaai ik mijn been over de rand alsof het niks is. Joh, ik voel me twintig jaar jonger. Ik geloof dat ik verliefd ben.’
Dat de grens bij Ventimiglia onlangs is gesloten is Vera worst; ons hele telefoongesprek staat in het teken van haar tegelzettende Lolito.
‘Is hij al bij je thuis geweest?’
‘Ja, hij is laaiend enthousiast over mijn flat.’
Maar.., donkere wolken pakken zich samen. Op diezelfde flat krijgt Vera onlangs onverhoopt bezoek. Van haar oudste dochter met man, toevallig een hoge Piet bij de Rotterdamse politie. Op dat moment is ook de paardenstaart van de partij. Na één blik in de koplampen weet de schoonzoon genoeg. En zeker na, later op de avond, enig gegoogle. Vera’s aanwinst blijkt een notoire crimineel die oudere vrouwen geld afhandig maakt en al een paar keer heeft ‘gezeten’. Via zijn exvrouw (door wie de onverlaat wordt onderhouden!) komt Vera’s schoonzoon achter het adres in een naburig dorp, waar de Italiaanse Heer Olivier zich onder een valse naam schuil houdt. Met een –jonge-vriendin.
Ik zie het tafereel voor me. De Rotterdamse politieman, één meter 90, op de Italiaanse stoep: ‘Als u mijn schoonmoeder nog één keer lastig valt, waarschuw ik mijn collega’s.’ En in de deuropening –beduidend lager- het begripvol knikkende gepaardestaarte hoofd:‘Okay.’
Maar voor die arme Vera is deze gang van zaken allerminst okay. De volgende dag belt ze haar lover om haar excuses (!) aan te bieden: ‘Maar hij neemt niet op! Ik kan het gewoon niet geloven. Hij was zó lief!’
De lieverd heeft zijn bakens vast alweer verzet. Misschien in de richting van mijn twee andere expatvriendinnen.
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